distorted belief...

I sit alone and watch the clock tryin to collect my thoughts. All I think about is you, and so I cry myself to sleep and hope the devil, I don't meet in the dreams that I live through.

Believe in you? You know i've waited for so long.

Believe in you? Sometimes the weak become the strong.

Believe in you? This life's not always what it seems.

Believe in me cause I was made for chasing dreams.

All the smiles you've had to fake, and all the shit I've had to take just to lead us here again... I never have the things to say to make it all just go away, to make it all just disappear...

you're breaking my heart

In case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see

this is my heart bleeding before you,

this is me down on my knees...

my love bipolar

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes. Yeah you P.M.S like a bitch... I would know... You overthink, always speak cryptically, I should know that you're no good for me.

Cause you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in then you're out, you're up then you're down, you're wrong when it's right, It's black and it's white, we fight we break up, we kiss we make up....

You don't really wanna stay, no. But you don't really wanna go, oh. Someone call the doctor, got a case of love bipolar, stuck on a roller coaster and I can't get off this ride...

You.

I probably shouldn't say this, but at times I get so scared when I think about the previous relationship we shared... It was awesome, but we lost it, it's not possible for me not to care... And now we're standing in the rain, but nothing's ever gonna change until you hear the 7 things I hate about you: Your vain, your games, your insecure, you love me, you like her, you make me laugh, you make me cry (I don't know which side to buy), your friends, when you act like them just know it hurts...I want to be with the one I know. And the 7th thing I hate the most that you do: You make me love you... I's awkward and silent as I wait for you to say what I need to hear now is your sincere apology, when you mean it, I'll believe it, If you text it, I'll delete it, lets be clear. And compared to all the great things that would take too long to write, I probably should mention the 7 that I like.. The 7 things I like about you: Your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's, when we kiss I'm hypnotized, you make me laugh, you make me cry (But I guess that's both I'll have to buy) your hands in mine, when we're intertwined everything's alright, I want to be with the one I know... And the 7th thing I like the most that you do: You make me love you...

life on the side...

six numbers, one more to dial before I'm before you I tried to call been busy all night gave up waiting at daylight...

Excuse me Mr. Busybody could you pencil me in when you can?

though we both know that the worst part about it

is I would be free when you wanted me...

...if you wanted me.

ohhhhh... I am the one on the side hoping you'll make up your mind I am the one who will swallow my pride. One of the many.

One of the few to stand back and wait for you.

I fell in love with the dream

taking my own advice, I'm giving up tonight.

Good luck to you and the queen.

I would be free when you wanted me ...if ever you wanted me...

the way you move me....

Leave the light on,

i'll never give up on you.

Leave the light on,

for me too...

To my Immortal Beloved,

My angel, my all, my very self.

Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks, can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another? can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine?

My heart is full of so many things to say to you, ahhh, there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all... but cheer up, remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours.

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us. I can live only wholly with you or not at all. Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I am in your arms and say that I am really at home with you.

Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest. Oh, continue to love me, never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

Ever thine, ever mine; ever ours.

Your faithful.

lo que te esta sobrando a mi me salva la vida...

A veces no pienso, me vuelvo tan fria y no estoy... A veces me ausento de mis sentimientos, y luego sonrió, recuerdo y me aferro a vivir...Y a veces quisiera matar por tu amor, tan solo por un momento...

Y es que todavía no encuentro lo que en mi seria normal para darte mucho más, y entregarme por completo... Sexo, pudor o lágrimas, me da igual.

Me quieres ver grande a pesar de lo débil que soy y si toco hasta el fondo me sacas de nuevo... Por eso me quedo, me aferro y te quiero a morir, por eso aquí adentro tu estas todo el tiempo...viviendo del sufrimiento.

Y es que todavía no encuentro lo que en mi seria normal para darte mucho más, y entregarme por completo... Sexo, pudor o lágrimas, me da igual.

como si....

Yo ayer he entendido que desde hoy sin ti comienzo otra vez, y tú...aire ausente, casi como si yo fuese transparente, alejándome de todo, escapar de mi tormento.

Pero me quedo aquí sin decir nada...sin poder despegarme de ti y eliminar cada momento que nos trajo el viento y poder vivir... como si no nos hubiéramos amado.

Yo sobreviviré, no me preguntes cómo, no lo sé, el tiempo cura todo y va a ayudarme a sentirme diferente... a que pueda olvidarte, aunque es un poco pronto.

Me quedo inmóvil aquí sin decir nada...sin poder aburrirme de ti y eliminar cada momento que nos trajo el viento y poder vivir... como si no nos hubiéramos amado

...como si nunca te hubiera amado , como si no hubiese estado así... y quisiera huir de aquí, quisiera escaparme. Pero me quedo otra vez, sin decir nada, sin gritarte: ¨ven, no te vayas, no me abandones sola en la nada" amor...

...después, después, después viviré como si no nos hubiéramos amado.

...como si nunca me hubieras amado.

Epiphany

Certain things are just not meant to be....

no matter how much we wish they were.

PS:>

I've had a hard time walking into a room full of people on my own. I know what it is not to feel like your in the room until he looks at you or touches your hand or even makes a joke at your expense, just to let everyone know... you're with him. You're his.

i surrender.

Theres so much life Ive left to live and this fire's burning still. When I watch you look at me I think I could find the will to stand for every dream, and forsake the solid ground, and give up this fear within of what would happen if they ever knew I'm in love with you.

Cause I'd surrender everything to feel the chance to live again. I reach to you, I know you can feel it to... We'd make it through a thousand dreams, I still believe, I'd make you give them all to me. I'd hold you in my arms and never let go...I surrender.

I know I can survive another night away from you, but you're the reason I go on, and now I need to live the truth..Right now, theres no better time from this fear I will break free and I'll live again with love, and no the they cant take that away from me...

Every night is getting longer and this fire is getting stronger, babe I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive...Did you hear my call? I surrender all.

Right here, right now I give my life to live again, I'll break free, take me...Take my everything, I surrender all to you.

so sorry

Look, im sorry. Im sorry for bothering you. Im sorry for all the texts I send you. Im sorry for IMing you the second you get online. Im sorry I keep asking if youre free to hang out. Im sorry I ask random questions. Im sorry that I ask about your life. Im sorry that im a bother to you. Im sorry that I always recite all those silly friendship quotes. But heres the truth. Im not sorry for any of those things; I only did it because you’re my friend. What im really sorry for is that you don’t realize how much our friendship means to me. Im sorry that I have a deep worry that this friendship wont last much longer. Im sorry I wanted to talk to you. Im sorry I wanted to get your opinions and advice on things. Im sorry I wanted to hang out with you. I just thought that’s what friends did. Im sorry I was willing to do anything to get your attention. I didn’t know being friends was too much to ask from you. Im sorry that im now left with only memories of what used to be. Please do me one favor, when you see the tears gently falling down my cheeks, don’t try to comfort me. I don’t need a reminder of how I could always tell you everything, how you'd sit by me and just hold me while I cried. So please, if this is over, then lets just say our goodbyes and walk away and not look back, because I cant believe that a friendship I once held so dear to my heart is now fading to nothing. Now thats really what Im sorry for.

Eternal sunshine of the SPOTLESS mind

I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green, I hope when you’re in bed with her you think of me.

I would never wish bad things but I don’t wish you well. Could you tell by the flames that burned your words? I never read your letter cause I knew what you’d say.

Does it hurt to know i'll never be there? bet it sucks to see my face everywhere... It was YOU who chose to end it like you did.

I was the last to know, you knew exactly what you would do. Don’t say you simply lost your way..She may believe you but I never will, never again.

If she really knows the truth she deserves you, a trophy wife..Oh how cute! Ignorance is bliss, but when your day comes and she’s through with you (and she’ll be through with you) you’ll die together but alone.

Repent yourself away

Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never!

so this is how it feels to wanna kill someone.

butterflies in me

I've been awake for a while now you've got me feelin like a child now cause every time i see your bubbly face i get the tinglies in a silly place It starts in my toes makes me crinkle my nose wherever it goes i always know that you make me smile please stay for a while now just take your time where ever you go you give me feelings that i adore What am i gonna say when you make me feel this way I just...mmm... I've been asleep for a while now you tucked me in just like a child now cause every time you hold me in your arms I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth It starts in my soul and I lose all control when you kiss my nose the feeling shows cause you make me smile baby just take your time holdin me tight

There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea. You became the light on the dark side of me. Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill. But did you know That when it snows my eyes become large and The light that you shine can be seen. Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey. The more I get of you, stranger it feels. There is so much i can tell you, so much i can say. There's so much inside. You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain...to me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?

Un sol negro, negra luz los perros vomitan plástico azul los relojes marchan al revés y el invierno aparece bajo tus pies.

Siento vértigo siento vértigo. Siento vértigo siento vértigo.

Hay un maldito ruido en este gran carnaval y en el palacio del fuego hay un extraño animal que se apodera de ti, que se apodera de mí

Negro sol, sol de llanto de mi adicción y mi quebranto. Negro sol verde luna la carne rota y el alma cruda.

Siento vértigo siento vértigo. Siento vértigo siento vértigo.

nobody's song

Con la paz de las montañas te amaré con locura y equilibrio te amaré con la rabia de mis años como me enseñaste a hacer con un grito en carne viva te amaré En silencio y en secreto te amaré arriesgando en lo prohibido te amaré en lo falso y en lo cierto con el corazón abierto por ser algo no perfecto te amaré te amaré, te amaré como no está permitido te amaré, te amaré como nunca nadie ha sabido Porque así lo he decidido te amaré Por ponerte algún ejemplo te diré que aunque tengas manos frías te amaré con tu mala ortografia y tu no saber perder con defectos y manías te amaré te amaré, te amaré porque fuiste algo importante te amaré, te amaré cuando ya no estés presente A pesar de todo, siempre te amare al caer de cada noche esperaré a que seas luna llena y te amaré y a pesar de pocos restos en señal de lo que fue seguirás cerca y muy dentro te amaré te amaré, te amaré a golpe de recuerdo te amaré, te amaré hasta el último momento seguirás cerca y muy dentro te amaré, te amaré, te amaré, te amaré, te amaré a pesar de todo siempre a pesar de todo siempre te amaré

remember remember 04.25.08

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep, this air is blessed, you share with me. This night is wild, so calm and dull, these hearts, they race, from self-control. Your legs are smooth, as they graze mine. We're doing fine. We're doing nothing at all. My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so won't you kill me? So I die happy. My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelry...whichever you prefer. The words are hushed, "let's not get busted", just lay entwined here, undiscovered. Safe in here from all the stupid questions "Hey did you get some?" man that is so dumb. Stay quiet, stay near, stay close, they can't hear so we can get some. Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember. Always remember the sound of the stereo. The dim of the soft lights. The scent of your hair, that you twirled in your fingers. And the time on the clock, when we realized "It's so late!" and this walk that we share together. The streets were wet, and the gate was locked, so I jumped it, and let you in. And you stood at the door, with your hands on my waist. And you kissed me like you meant it. And I knew...that you meant it.

you came up with a breeze

Friday night I'm going nowhere, all the lights are changing green to red. Turning over TV stations, situations running through my head. Well looking back through time you know it's clear that I've been blind, I've been a fool to ever open up my heart to all that jealousy, that bitterness, that ridicule. Saturday I'm running wild and all the lights are changing red to green. Moving through the crowd I'm pushing chemicals all rushing through my bloodstream. I only wish that you were here, you know I'm seeing it so clear.. I've been afraid to tell you how I really feel, admit to some of those bad mistakes I've made. If you want it come and get it crying out loud. The love that I was giving you was never in doubt. Let go your heart, let go your head and feel it now.

at the point of no return

Inside-out, upside-down, twisting beside myself.

Stop that now, cause you and I were never meant to be.

I think you'd better leave.

It's not safe in here.

I feel a weakness coming on.

Alright then, I could keep your number for a rainy day.

That's where this ends. No mistakes no misbehaving.

I was doing so well. Could we just be friends?

I feel a weakness coming on.

It's not meant to be like this.

Not what I planned at all.

I don't want to feel like this.

So that makes it all your fault.

You're as close as it gets without touching me.

Oh now don't make it harder than it already is.

I feel a weakness coming on.

Big trouble losing control.

Primary resistance at a critical low.

on the double gotta get a hold.

Point of no return one.... second... to....GO!

No response on any level,

Red-alert this vessel's under seige.

Total overload all systems down they've got control.

There's no way out.

We are surrounded.

Give in, give in and relish every minute of it.

Freeze or make it forever.

I feel a weakness coming on.

No it’s not meant to be like this, it's just what I don't need.

Why make me feel like this?

It's definitely all.. our fault.

by my side you'll never be cause im fake at the seams, lost in my dreams and i want you to know that i cant let you go and youre never comin' home again....

by my side you'll never be, i wanted to tell you i changed, i wanted to tell you that things would be different this time...

i see you,you see me differently. i see you, you see me... differently.

you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again you tell me that you love me but you never wanna see me again.

we're one?

tiaIs it getting better or do you feel the same?

Will it make it easier on you now you got someone to blame?

You say...One love, one life. When it's one need in the night. One love, we get to share it but it leaves you baby if you don't care for it.

Did I disappoint you? Or leave a bad taste in your mouth? You act like you never had love and you want me to go without...

Well it's...too late, tonight, to drag the past out into the light. We're one, but we're not the same, we get to carry each other... as one.

Have you come here for forgiveness? Have you come to raise the dead? Have you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in your head? Did I ask too much? More than a lot? You gave me nothing, now it's all I got.

We're one but we're not the same, well we hurt each other then we do it again. You say love is a temple, love a higher law, you ask me to enter but then you make me crawl and I can't be holding on to what you got...when all you got is hurt.

One love. One blood. One life with each other. Sister. Brother. One life but we're not the same.

is my heart still beating?

Lost in a dream, don't know which way to go if you are all that you seem then baby I'm moving way too slow.. I've been a fool before...Wouldn't like to get my love caught. Straight up now tell me do you really want to love me forever or am I caught in a hit and run? Straight up now tell me is it gonna be you and me together or are you just having fun? Time's standing still waiting for some small clue but I keep getting chills when I think your love is true.... I don't mean to make demands but the word and the deed go hand in hand.

anyone else

You're a part time lover and a full time friend. The monkey on your back is the latest trend. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you.

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train. I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you.

We sure are cute for two ugly people. You are always trying to keep it real, I'm in love with how you feel. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you

i guess this will always be a game

Lie awake in bed at night and thinking about our life...

Do you want to be different? Try to let go of the truth, the battles of your youth. Cuz this is just a game. It's a beautiful lie, It's a perfect denial...Such a beautiful lie to believe in.

It's time to forget about the past to wash away what happened last..Hide behind an empty face. Don't ask too much, just say...Cuz this is just a game. It's a beautiful lie, It's a perfect denial Such a beautiful lie to believe in...

Everyone's looking at me, I'm running around in circles, baby. A quiet desperation's building higher, I've got to remember: this is just a game.

the truth

A warning sign, I missed the good part then I realized I started looking and the bubble burst. I started looking for excuses... Come on in, I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in, I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones that I started looking for a warning sign. When the truth is...I miss you.... I miss you so. A warning sign, You came back to haunt me and I realized that you were an island and I passed you by, you were an island to discover. Come on in, I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in, I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones that I started looking for a warning sign. And I'm tired........I should not have let you go.

So I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms.
And I crawl back into your open arms...

how much longer?

certain things are just worth waiting for.......

living in Barcelona

letters to myself

- Tell me what you want and you can have it.

- You.
- I'm yours.

You say it best when you say nothing at all.

i don't shine....

You say you wanna move on and you say I'm falling behind, can you read my mind? I never really gave up on breakin' out of this two-star town, I got the green light, I got a little fight...I'm gonna turn this thing around, can you read my mind? The good old days, the honest man, the restless heart, the Promised Land... a subtle kiss that no one sees oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind cause I don't shine if you don't shine, can you read my mind? It’s funny how I just break down waiting on some sign, I pull up to the front of your driveway with magic soakin' my spine, can you read my mind? Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind cause I don't shine if you don't shine, before you jump tell me what you find when you read my mind.....Slippin’ in my faith until I fall, open the door, don't let it sting, I wanna breathe that fire again.....Put your back on me, put your back on me, I got your back and you got mine.

i fear love and fear

so yeah... i'm back and renamed. a bit undercover you might say. sometimes it's better that way.... so why do i fear love? cause love.. is a challenge. You never know what to expect and it is always out to get you. I fear it comes as i fear it will someday end. and fear?... fear is your never changing red light... you could just avoid it and realize the light's not working... or you could just stay there... paralized at a red light for ever, and never know what you're missing there..waiting for the safe green light.... am i clear? i wonder. but as i always say, i write to myself, or at least thats what i hope.... i guess i'd love you to read it.....but i....i fear you will. good day.

you think you know...but you have no idea.

You give your hand to me and then you say hello..I can hardly speak my heart is beating so... anyone can tell you think you know me well..but you don't know me. You don't know the one that thinks of you at night, who longs to kiss your lips and yearns to squeeze you tight....No I'm just a friend, that's all I've ever been, you just don't know me.... I never knew the art of making love though my heart aches with love for you. Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by, the chance that you might love me too. You give your hand to me and then you say goodbye, I watch you walk away beside the lucky one, you'll never, never know the one who loves you so, you just don't know me....

Para que me quieras.......

De cualquier manera no va a ser esa cantinela de esa voz, de esa mujer. Si alguien me pregunta yo le diré, que detrás de un nuevo adiós, siempre cuesta despertar, y que esas cosas pasan, por querer saber sin saber querer, sin querer te amé...Son esos ratitos que me das, en los que es mucho mejor no hacer más fuerza y dejar, que si se va el corazón que si se va que se vaya, no lo hecharemos en falta. Quién puede quererse pensando en el alma... Y para que me quieras te daré un año entero que te haré sólo de primaveras y lo prenderé en tu pelo con un alfiler y para que me quieras, te querré con un cariño que esta vez quiero quedarme niña quiero estar presente, en mi propia vida y son esos ratitos que me das, esos ratitos que me das, esos ratitos que me das..... Y ahora dime sólo que estás bien si alguien te pregunta, quiéreme, quiéreme..qué me queda en estas manos, pa´ saber querer acaríciame, una y otra vez una y otra vez. Y son esos ratitos que me das, en los que es mucho mejor no hacer más fuerza y dejar, que si se va el corazón, que si se va que se vaya, no lo hecharemos en falta, quién puede quererse pensando en el alma. Son esos ratitos que me das....esos ratitos que me das...

A Song On the End of the World

by Czeslaw Milosz

On the day the world ends a bee circles a clover, a fisherman mends a glimmering net.

Happy porpoises jump in the sea, by the rainspout young sparrows are playing and the snake is gold-skinned as it should always be.

On the day the world ends women walk through the fields under their umbrellas, a drunkard grows sleepy at the edge of a lawn, vegetable peddlers shout in the street and a yellow-sailed boat comes nearer the island, the voice of a violin lasts in the air and leads into a starry night.

And those who expected lightning and thunder are disappointed. And those who expected signs and archangels' trumps do not believe it is happening now. As long as the sun and the moon are above, as long as the bumblebee visits a rose, as long as rosy infants are born... No one believes it is happening now.

Only a white-haired old man, who would be a prophet, yet is not a prophet, for he's much too busy, repeats while he binds his tomatoes: No other end of the world will there be, No other end of the world will there be.